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When we were orphans
we swam in a brook,
bubble, babble; roil.

One midnight we swam,
you, me, and the current,
sweeping our feet from under us.

Cracks formed in the orphanage walls
we watched, naked but clothed
in water, shaded by moonlight,
mesmerized by those walls,
breaking and solid.

We ate an egg each
the next day, I gave you half
of mine; the swim exhausted you.

I said I had dreams
after the water had risen
from my skin; I clutched
you while we swam,
hands sliding over you but not
touching.  That was the rule
the orphanage had given us.

But I felt skin, dulcet, moist,
it would have been delicate, if not
for the orphan crammed within.

We were still orphans,
but we were soothed.

We rose with the next
day’s sun as two

orphans

at midnight, swimming.
©2007-2010 ~piratesecho
:iconpiratesecho:

Author's Comments

This poem is one that I'm totally proud of and actually spent time developing. I've edited it several times (odd, for me,) and I think it's ready to be shown off.

Written out from a prompt in Mrs. Stenson's advanced poetry class; the prompt is the poem's first line.

Also, please note the italics. They're there for a reason. I love my italics.

*EDIT* Omg! It got better! Yeah. That's it.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconinfrunitas:
excellent movement of a storyline within all the imagery. I like this as well.

--
To twist one purest cause
Into an honest verse,
Itself, a call to angels.
The saddened lips of song that
Kiss away our innocence
From the vile mundane.
~justb
:iconpiratesecho:
This one was, honestly, a lucky stroke. I'm surprised it came out very well at all ;)

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:iconrebel1717:
I luv it and how do u manage to How do you manage to have "hands sliding over you but not touching", yet "I felt skin, dulcet, moist:,how does that work?.
It's a pity that the schools don't do any good poetry like yours and matts, maybe I would have come to enjoy poetry earlier,*sigh*. and yes i did notice the italics. luv the poem and am going 2 :+fav:

--
Click me so I can grow...and hopefully not die...
<img src=\"http://dragcave.net/image/HLZL.gif\" style="border-width: 0" alt="Adopt one today!"/>
:iconpiratesecho:
*bows* Thanks for the fav!

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:iconkluny:
I like how you took a clean, but depressing topic like orphanage (-hood? -ism?) and filled it up with sex and made it all dirty and fun.

Or is it really dirty? As sex goes, this is pretty clean.

How do you manage to have "hands sliding over you but not touching", yet "I felt skin, dulcet, moist"? Like how can you feel someone without actually touching them? don't give me any bullshit about symbolism- I think you might have a bit of a solecism here.

--
The bears are coming...
:iconkluny:
blob? Dumbass.

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The bears are coming...
:iconpiratesecho:
It isn't symbolism, it's what the kid thought he felt, duh. Poetic licensing, of course. Use your imagination, you unimaginative blob.

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:iconladynightfire:
I agree... WITH PORK CHOP SANDWICHES

sorry...
Anyways, I like the poem, it's very... something I can't remember the word for right now.

--
I don't want to take your liver, I'll settle for your heart, mind, and soul.
:iconpiratesecho:
Very...? Yummy? Tasty? Sexy?

Physically attractive?

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March 22, 2007
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